LEO: Literacy Education Online Combining Sentences for Variety and Clarity

A paper containing sentences of one short pattern bores both the writer and the reader for two reasons:

1. Repetition of a single, simple sentence pattern draws attention to itself, not to the ideas in the paper.

2. Simple, short sentences cannot show the reader the many relationships that exist among ideas of different importance.

• Do adjacent sentences contain the same subject and/or the same verb?

  If so, you can combine two or more short, simple sentences in a single, concise sentence.

  • Join the sentences by omitting a repeated subject.

    Original	Radio advertisements are broadcast daily or weekly. Radio advertisements reach a wide audience.
    Revision	Radio advertisements are broadcast daily or weekly and reach a wide audience.

  • Join the sentences by omitting repeated subjects and verbs and by using adjectives.

    Original	The city council conducted a study of public transportation. The study was lengthy. The study was detailed.
    Revision	The city council conducted a lengthy, detailed study of public transportation.

  • Join the sentences by omitting repeated subjects and verbs and by using adverbs.

    Original	The negotiators worked to gain approval for the contract. The negotiators worked at a steady pace. However, they worked slowly.
    Revision	The negotiators worked steadily but slowly to gain approval for the contract.

  Do adjacent sentences contain ideas of equal importance?

  If so, use coordination.

  • Join the sentences with a coordinating conjunction preceded by a comma. The seven coordinating conjunctions create different relationships between two ideas.

  

  • and shows addition; it has the same meaning as in addition, along with

    The strike divided the town, and it strained labor-management relations.

  • but shows contrast; it has the same meaning as however, except, on the other hand

    Negotiators resolved the strike, but the town remained divided.

  • for shows logical consequence; it has the same meaning as because, the reason why

    Coping with environmental issues is a necessary part of industrial studies, for industries affect the environment.

  • so shows logical consequence; it has the same meaning as as a result, therefore

    Industries affect the environment, so coping with environmental issues is a necessary part of industrial studies.

  • nor shows addition of a negative point

    The environment cannot sustain constant resource depletion, nor can it recover quickly from wide-scale resource extraction.

  • or shows choice

    Businesses can design their own programs for recording statistical data, or they can use purchased, pre-designed programs.

  • yet shows contrast

    More secondary schools are implementing programs designed to increase teenagers' awareness of the dangers of drinking and driving, yet alcohol-related traffic accidents continue to be one of the leading causes of death for people between the ages of fifteen and twenty-two.

  • Join the sentences with a semicolon. A semicolon needs complete sentences on either side of it that have complete meaning and can stand by themselves. Use a semicolon when you want to keep two closely related ideas in one sentence.

  Original	Ethnobotanists study plants and plant products that contribute to human culture. They study past, present, and potential uses of such plants.
  Revision	Ethnobotanists study plants and plant products that contribute to human culture; they study past, present, and potential uses of such plants.

  • Join the sentences by using a semicolon with a transitional word and a comma. Some common transitional words are:

  

  • however has the same meaning as but

    The actress's performance electrified the audience; however, lighting and sound problems diminished the play's overall impact.

  • furthermore has the same meaning as in addition

    The project required extensive research; furthermore, budget cuts reduced the available funds.

  • instead has the same meaning as rather

    Neither bold colors nor heavy lines made the painting striking; instead, the sheer size of the canvas drew attention.

  • consequently has the same meaning as as a result

    The speech required preparation and an in-depth analysis of the situation; consequently, the student surveyed the population on the issue.

  • nevertheless has the same meaning as however

    The recently established bio-social theory helps us see the evolution of human behavior with a new perspective; nevertheless, few scientists endorse it.

Do adjacent sentences contain ideas of unequal importance?

If so, you can join them by subordination, making one or more ideas in a sentence depend on the idea that is most important to you.

• Join a statement that expresses a complete thought and can stand on its own (an independent clause) with a statement that cannot stand on its own (a dependent clause) and that depends on the independent clause to complete its meaning.

An Aside: Use the following punctuation rule when combining dependent and independent clauses. You can use a subordinator to make one clause dependent upon another.

If you place the dependent clause before the independent clause, use a comma.

or

Do not use a comma if you place the dependent clause after the independent clause.

Subordinators can be used to signal one of the following relationships between two ideas:

• when, until, after, as soon as, before, ever since, as, and while show a relation that indicates time

• because, since show a relation that indicates causality

• though, although, even though, and while express concession and contrast of ideas

• of, as if, provided that, unless, as though show condition

• where indicates place

• so that shows result

• whichever, whenever, wherever, whoever indicate general possibility

• more or less than shows comparison of ideas

Original	The two countries reached an agreement on trade policies. They then were able to complete their peace treaty.
Revision	After the two countries reached an agreement on trade policies, they were able to complete their peace treaty.

Original	The statistics in the proposal were inaccurate. It was this that made the proposal fail.
Revision	The proposal failed because its statistics were inaccurate.

Original	Equipment failures and labor strikes delayed the submarine's completion. Naval engineers continued the project.
Revision	Although equipment failures and labor strikes delayed the submarine's completion, naval engineers continued the project.

Original	Video game manufacturers plan to impose a rating system to indicate violence. The ratings system will be ineffectual without an accompanying plan for reinforcement.
Revision	Unless video game manufacturers issue an accompanying plan for enforcement, their ratings system will be ineffectual.

Original	The author wanted people of all income levels to be able to read her book. To achieve this, she stipulated that the book be sold for under five dollars.
Revision	So that people of all income levels would be able to read her book, the author stipulated that the book be sold for under five dollars.

Original	The male hornbill builds a nest for his mate. He chooses a nest site that will protect her and her chicks from predators.
Revision	The male hornbill builds a nest for his mate where she and her chicks will be protected from predators.

Original	The program's format allows individual users to make changes. This can be done each time users encounter problems in implementing the program.
Revision	The program's format allows individual users to make changes whenever they encounter problems implementing the program.

Original	The beginner's manual contains few technical terms. However, the advanced manual contains several.
Revision	The advanced manual contains more technical terms than the beginner's manual.

• Use which, that, who, whom, where, and when to subordinate one set of facts to another set or to add information about a person, place, thing, or concept in your sentence.

• who, whom, whose, and that are used for one or more persons

• that and which are used for one or more things

• which is used to introduce an entire explanatory clause

• where and when are used for a place or time respectively

Original	Peter Tchaikowsky, a Russian composer, lived from 1840 to 1893. He composed Peter and the Wolf.
Revision	Peter Tchaikowsky, a Russian composer who lived from 1840 to 1893, composed Peter and the Wolf.

Original	Peter and the Wolf is often performed for audiences of children. The composition uses different instruments to represent different characters.
Revision	Peter and the Wolf, which uses different instruments to represent different characters, is often performed for audiences of children.

Original	The judges scored the performances using a new set of standards. This different method of scoring resulted in unanticipated victories for several new competitors.
Revision	The judges scored the performance using a new set of standards, which resulted in unanticipated victories for several new competitors.

Original	A press conference is an ideal place to find out information. Many journalists meet, discuss, and question current political issues at a press conference.
Revised	A press conference, where many journalists meet, discuss, and question current issues, is an ideal place to find out information.

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For more information about recognizing and punctuating independent and dependent clauses, see Write Place handouts "Punctuation Pattern Sheet" and "Punctuating ICs and DCs ." For more information about transitional words, see "Transitions: Common Cues for the Reader."

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© 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999 The Write Place

The print handout was revised and then redesigned for the Web by Maggie Escalas for the Write Place, St. Cloud State University, St. Cloud, Minnesota, and may be copied for educational purposes only. If you copy this document, please include our copyright notice and the name of the writer; if you revise it, please add your name to the list of writers.

Last update: 5 October 1999

URL: http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/style/sentencev.html

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